First of all, I want to express how incredible grateful I am to Denise Linn for certifying me as a Gateway Dream Coach. She is an amazing dream coach.  I have learned so much from her, and I have had some profound dream experiences from her course.

Last night, after pondering it for awhile, both my good friend and dream sister, Amy, and I joined Robert Moss’s online course “Active Dreaming”. He talks about lucid dreaming a lot, which he calls conscious dreaming. As a Certified Dream Coach, I am strongly desiring to master the experience of lucid dreaming. I lucid dream all the time when I remind myself over and over again while I am dreaming and sleeping to remember the dream I am having when I wake up. It is now my goal, however, to lucid dream to the point of changing a situation in my dream. I have not quite mastered that yet.

Last night, I programmed my dreams with God and my Soul. I asked them to assist me in lucid dreaming, so that I can change a fear of mine. In my dream, I hired a Doula to help me give birth. The dream was switching back and forth between the 70’s and now. I am 65 at this very moment in time. When I awakened this morning just after 7am, I feel like a binding going on in the lower part of my stomach.

A Doula is a woman professionally trained in childbirth who provides emotional, physical, and educational support to a woman who is expecting, is experiencing labor, or has recently given birth. The Doula’s purpose is to help women have a safe, memorable, and empowering birthing experience.

This morning, in sharing my dream with my good friend and dream sister, Amy, I was reminded of my very early marriages between the ages of 19 (1970) and 21 (1972) in which my ex and his parents scammed me in a way. Although it was obvious to my parents that something was wrong with him physically and mentally, it was not obvious to me. I just did not want to see what they were seeing. When my parents questioned him and his parents, his parents took me to their doctor who told me that he was in perfect health. He was not. As it turned out, he had a deterioting muscular condition, which I now believe was muscular dystrophy. He also had uncontrollable shaking.  When I left him, he was in the Neuropsychiatric Institute At UCLA. I just could not take his strange behavior anymore. To this day, I believe that his parents were trying to shift the responsibility of his illness away from them. I ran into him 17 years later with his parents while shopping, and he was in a wheelchair barely able to speak.

In the beginning of our marriage, I wanted to have a baby in the worst way. Every month I thought I was pregnant, so I would give a bottle of my urine sample in a bag to my father in law who would then take it to the lab. Every month it came back negative. One day my ex and his parents took me to their doctor to get checked. The doctor barely checked me, but told me that I could not have babies and even if I could the babies would come out retarded. They advised me to give up trying. There I was scammed by them again. I allowed myself to believe it, and I was so shocked that I believe I emotionally blocked my tubes. It wasn’t until my mid 30’s when I went to see a new gynocologist that I realized I had been scammed.

Amy suggested that in emotionally blocking my tubes, I blocked my desire to have a baby, my abundance and perhaps my truest self. Tonight, I will call in my Dream Doula from last night once again to continue with this dream and to guide me through this. I know there is some healing to be done here. I going to work on soul retrieval.